i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
