i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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