Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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