end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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