clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
