some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
