I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
