Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The air was thick with penises
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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