Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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