I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
