My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
