I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
