i think my mom watched the whole time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
