He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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