Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
