its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
