I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I did not marry a roomba.
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