I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
