there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
