I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont even know how to be here
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
