i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
