So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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