One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
