the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
