I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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