a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
FUCK WHALES
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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