I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
