NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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