apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
