I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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