im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
