I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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