so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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