Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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