He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
