best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
