I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
