We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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