Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
