Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
