My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
