wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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