An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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