Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
