i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
