Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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