Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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