I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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