He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
