My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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