Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
