my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
