xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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