Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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