My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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