...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
