apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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