Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize