They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
