How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
