I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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