Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
