Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why is there bacon in the couch?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
