Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
