Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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