Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
