Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
