That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
