OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
