singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
